Gratitude

Written by Lacy Montgomery, Adult Program Manager

It’s November. The holidays are upon us and we’re barreling toward the end of the year. For some of us, this means excitement, merriment, busy calendars, and seasonal decorations; good food and great friends and time spent with the family we love. For some of us, this season is more difficult. It means loneliness or reminders of painful relationships. It means financial stresses or the first holiday season without our loved one.

How do we remain grateful in both pain and in joy?

My favorite author, Anne Lamott, says that “gratitude begins in our hearts and then dovetails into behavior. It almost always makes you willing to be of service, which is where the joy resides. It means that you are willing to stop being such a jerk. When you are aware of all that has been given to you, in your lifetime and the past few days, it is hard not to be humbled, and pleased to give back.”

Joy resides in service. Getting out of our own head, putting our feet on the ground, one in front of the other, and finding someone to help. Gratitude in service can look like a smile given to a stranger. A dance on the sidewalk to the song in your heart. A donation to a local non-profit. A text to an old friend. A vulnerable conversation with a new friend. A toy drive for families who have so much stress and so little income that they can’t buy their children gifts. A blood donation. A letter to your grandmother. Even a glance at yourself in the mirror, offering love and compassion to you.

For some, this season of Thanksgiving is a season of service. For others, a season of mustering the courage to ask for help. How can you be the hand, reaching out to offer help? How can you be gratitude in action? How can you reside in joy?

Volunteers and staff prepare to serve Thanksgiving dinner to members

 Years ago, my family decided that in lieu of gifts, we would donate to our favorite organizations in one another’s names. Perhaps gratitude is a financial contribution to New Friends New Life. To help our organization continue to serve incredible, resilient, grateful women who have survived unthinkable abuse, trauma, and sexual exploitation. Or maybe you and your family could serve a meal together at NFNL, because community can begin at the table. Or you could even take your children shopping to purchase gifts for the New Friends New Life Angel Tree.

My son is not quite two years old, and he certainly wouldn’t understand a donation card, as he cannot yet distinguish between numbers and letters. But he will absolutely understand buying fun toys for others. I am determined to guide the growth of his little heart to one of service and gratitude. A heart, that the world he raises my grandchildren in might be filled with even more joy and service.

It is my hope that you choose to give this season. Our members and their families are thankful for every smile and gift.  

LGBTQIA+ History Month

Written by Avery Hammer, Adult Case Manager

Here at New Friends New Life, we have come to know that human trafficking is not one singular group’s issue, and as such, everyone should be aware of it and has a responsibility to seek education for themselves and those around them. The women and girls we work with come from different economic classes, countries, cultural backgrounds, and have varying beliefs and values. Even as we note that trafficking affects people of all kinds all around the world, there are people who are affected more often than others. For example, we know that 71% of human trafficking victims are women and girls, and they are often sold for sexual labor.

Similarly, we know that people of color and those who identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community, are far more likely to be targeted for trafficking due to societal factors (discrimination, oppression, inequalities, generational trauma, etc.) that are largely out of their realm of control. As much as we hate to admit it, traffickers do have some intelligence in their vetting process and know how to identify those who experience vulnerabilities. Once traffickers have someone in their sights, they play the long game, seeking out unconditional trust and fealty that swiftly morphs into ownership and insurmountable debt: emotional, financial, or otherwise.

When you look at LGBTQIA+ youth, you see children that have been displaced or disowned by their families, bullied/ostracized by their peers, and have endured any number of abuses from a society that believes that their way of living and of loving is wrong. When you know that marginalized populations are more likely to experience trafficking, isn’t it obvious that LGBTQIA+ youth are at a disproportionally high risk for exploitation? Often, these youth are lured in with false promises of love, affection, shelter, employment, safety, and stability, and for those who have been deprived of basic needs or necessary care, it is an easy ploy for which to fall.

Of the youth experiencing homelessness, the LGBTQIA+ population makes up 40%. Of that 40%, 46% ran away due to family rejection, they are 7.4 times more likely to experience sexual violence and 3-7 times more likely to engage in survival sex, resorting to sexual acts in exchange for food, shelter, etc., to get their basic needs met. Traffickers seek out people with needs that can be filled easily by them and lead to dependency for their survival, so youth who are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community have a 33% chance of being picked up within 48 hours of leaving their home.

This is an important topic to be aware of as it affects so many of the youth in our nation. Look into current legislation, find ways to give back to organizations that help this population, and stay up to date on the news. You can make an impact in your community, all it takes is an open mind, heart, and arms.

If you or someone you know needs help, call the National Human Trafficking Hotline toll-free hotline, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-888-373-7888 or text 233733 to speak with a specially trained Anti-Trafficking Hotline Advocate.

All For One?

Written by Jessica Brazeal, MA, LPC-S, EMDR Certified, Chief Programs Officer

For the last 14 years, I have been working as a therapist with survivors of domestic violence during the month of October, which also happens to be Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It is an honor to be a witness for these individuals every day, but it feels especially poignant during this month. Every year, I am reminded of the strength, courage, resilience, and general grit that survivors of domestic violence demonstrate daily. Every year, I continue to be in awe of these women I serve.

I began my career at Genesis Women’s Shelter & Support, another local non-profit that supports women and children that have been impacted by domestic violence, spending thousands of hours counseling women in abusive relationships. When I arrived at New Friends New Life, I quickly realized that so many of the elements present in domestic violence are also present in trafficking. Not surprisingly, most of the women we serve at NFNL have also experienced domestic violence itself. Domestic violence is an issue that affects 1 in 4 women nationally and 1 in 3 women in Texas, so this made sense to me. It seemed that this issue of women being controlled and abused by their partner in their homes was going to be a continued focus for me.

When your home is a war zone and every move you make could result in your injury or harm, whether that is physical or emotional harm, every day of survival requires such effort, focus and courage. Your alarm bells are ready at all times. Your sonar for any hint of threat is keenly honed. You are highly skilled at detecting any shift or change in the atmospheric pressure. You are a survivor. Unfortunately, that often takes a devastating toll on the bodies and minds of these strong and courageous individuals.

In that same way that any ongoing stressor impacts your physical health, domestic violence is no different. In addition to the physical injuries directly from abuse, the ongoing impact living in this type of environment has a direct impact on the body. Mental health suffers as a result as well. In our offices, we see increased levels of depression, anxiety, helplessness, overwhelm, hopelessness and hypervigilance as just a handful of potential symptoms someone may be experiencing as a result of the home they are living in. So often, absent the context, these individuals are given mental health diagnoses that are inaccurate due to their fear of disclosing the reality of what is occurring to their health providers. Their symptoms potentially match those of other major mental health diagnoses, which is then the diagnosis they are given, when in reality they are experiencing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). One of the reasons this is so significant for survivors to understand is that organic mental illness or mental health diagnoses can be lifelong conditions to manage while PTSD is a mental health diagnosis that is resolvable. It doesn’t have to be lifelong. The suffering can end.

In her seminal work ‘Trauma and Recovery’ from 1992, Judith Herman says this about the tactics of an abusive partner and their impact: “The ultimate effect of these techniques is to convince the victim that the perpetrator is omnipotent, that resistance is futile, and that her life depends upon winning his indulgence through absolute compliance.” At the time, Herman was discussing domestic violence specifically, but read that sentence again. That sentence could just as easily be applied to the dynamic between a trafficker and his victim: perception of omnipotence, discouraging resistance, survival is dependent upon doing exactly what he says. The tactics are the same, the dynamic is the same, the impact is the same.

Because of these similarities and connections, at New Friends New Life we recognize the importance of Domestic Violence Awareness Month and providing support around this experience as an integral part of the work we do with our members. Herman goes on to say in ‘Trauma and Recovery’ that the “first principle of recovery is the empowerment of the survivor.” This brings us back to that initial point of the strength, courage, resilience, and grit of the women we serve and all survivors of domestic violence. When she first begins to receive support, she may not believe these things or see these qualities in herself. Our job is to highlight them over and over again until she sees in herself what we see in her. And what we see is a woman who is unstoppable.  

Herman, J. (1992). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence from domestic abuse to political terror. New York: Basic Books.

Celebrating Hispanic Heritage Month | Celebrando el mes de la Herencia Hispana

Written by Monica Flores, Youth Program Manager

Hispanic Heritage Month is a month-long celebration spanning from September 15th to October 15th that acknowledges and celebrates the history and culture of Hispanic communities in the U.S. Initially a one week celebration, Hispanic Heritage month stands to commemorate the influence and contributions of the Hispanic communities on American society. During this month, Hispanic and Latinx communities are celebrated across the country through community events, festivals, art shows and so much more.

At New Friends New Life, we are proud of serving women and girls of all ethnicities and backgrounds. We take pride in knowing that our diverse staff strives to create a safe environment for our members to heal and thrive because members see someone who looks like them.

As the Youth Program Manager, I find it essential to create a space in our Youth Resource Center (YRC) where our girls feel seen and heard. A space where they can come in as who they are without judgment or criticism. In the YRC, over a third of the girls we serve identify as Hispanic. Therefore, it is important to create a space where they feel represented. Many of the Hispanic families we serve often face barriers to receive the support and services they need. Barriers such as language, lack of advocacy, transportation and most importantly the stigmas regarding mental health. At NFNL, we do our best to break down those stigmas and decrease those barriers through case management and trauma informed counseling. However, to create a long term, sustainable impact we as a community need to work together to minimize these obstacles and create opportunities for Hispanic communities.

So, my challenge to you during one of the most celebrated months of the year is to advocate for the communities that too often were limited in advocating for themselves. Learn more about key events and figures of the Hispanic community and most importantly, take time to celebrate and honor these communities that provide so much for their own people, and the greater community as a whole.

Here at NFNL, we will be celebrating Hispanic Heritage month by hosting a dinner for our members consisting of different Hispanic foods as well as playing a traditional fun game of Mexican loteria. Additionally, both the YRC and ARC have been decorated with educational information about key figures in the Hispanic/Latinx community for members to read during their free time.

As a Mexican American woman, I feel proud to be able to represent my Mexican culture through all walks of life. We as a community need to give our girls, and all girls across the country, the opportunity to feel the same way about who they are-- proud, valued and loved.

How to Identify and Prevent Human Trafficking of Your Child

Written by Hannah D. Counter, M.A., LPC, EMDR Trained Youth Program Clinical Director

In today's increasingly digital world, understanding the potential risks that children and teenagers face is critical. Human trafficking is a frightening reality that affects countless lives in our community, and it's imperative for parents and guardians to be proactive in identifying and preventing any potential risks to their children.

As Youth Program Clinical Director at New Friends New Life, I work with many young women and girls who have been or are at risk of being exploited, and this role has given me a close understanding of the impact that human trafficking has on our community. However, I also know what a crucial role parents and guardians play in supporting their children. As we enter a new academic year, I encourage parents to become familiar with the signs of human trafficking and learn how they can help prevent it. By focusing on three essential strategies—keeping an open line of communication, creating a safe space, and staying aware—parents can play a pivotal role in safeguarding children:

1. Create a Safe Space:

Establishing a safe, trusting environment at home is essential for a child's overall well-being and understanding of healthy expressions of love. Show empathy, actively listen and validate your child’s emotions.

2. Keep an Open Line of Communication:

By maintaining an open and non-judgmental line of communication, you can create an environment for your child to share their thoughts and feelings. Regularly engage in conversations about their interests, friends, online activities, and daily experiences. Encourage them to share without fear of retribution, and ask questions if your child mentions something that causes you concern.

3. Stay Aware:

Between all the apps and websites available to today’s children, understanding your child's online presence and social interactions is vital. Educate your children about online safety and set clear guidelines on what is appropriate to share online. Remain aware of their friendships both in-person and online. Finally, monitor their online and social activities on a regular basis in a way that works for your family, such as a parental control app or location tracking.

Keep an eye out for sudden changes in behavior such as withdrawal from social activities or secrecy about online activities. If you suspect human trafficking, call the National Human Trafficking Resource Center’s 24/7 hotline: 888-373-7888.

Engaging Community Resources

At New Friends New Life, we have many resources to help girls who have been or are at risk of being exploited. Our Youth Resource Center offers a safe space for girls to visit anytime, whether they want to grab a snack, watch TV, or do homework. Additionally, our staff offers personalized resources based on each girl’s needs. Our case management team addresses their day-to-day needs, such as a safe living space, food, medical needs, and academic support. Our therapists offer support to meet each girl’s emotional needs, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). We also believe that caregivers are critical in our girls’ journey. Our caregiver programs support parents and guardians in creating a safe space for the girls and meeting their emotional needs. 

By fostering open communication, creating a safe and nurturing space and staying vigilant about your child's activities both online and offline, you can significantly reduce the risk of your children being exploited or trafficked. For more information on how to identify and prevent human trafficking, please see our parental tips infographic, which you can download here.

Back to School

Written by Vanessa Garnica-Barker, Community Engagement Manager

As we approach the end of the summer, parents, educators and students prepare for the beginning of the academic year in addition to the excitement of the new school year and the new school supplies, comes anxiety for many students. This anxiety can show up in many ways including social and academic pressures. Some students may look forward to the end of the summer break in hopes of finding refuge, safety and security at school due to an unstable home life, homelessness, or food insecurity.

For the youth at New Friends New Life, we open our doors to the YRC year-round (including the new school year) with drop-in hours for girls to have a safe space to spend their time. The Youth Resource Center (YRC) recognizes, recovers and restores high-risk, exploited and trafficked girls through holistic, trauma-informed care. The YRC recently introduced the Steps to Success program. Each step is tailored by age range and categorized into three buckets: case management, counseling, and education.

Education is a vital area of service to the members of the YRC. The girls served range from middle school, high school and even college aged students. Members receive recognition for their achievements, assistance in tutoring through volunteers and college/scholarship application assistance. With the assistance of donors and supporters, NFNL has been able to provide youth members with backpacks containing all essentials school supplies and has also provided uniforms in past years. While purchasing school supplies may seem routine for students and parents each year, it’s critical that we provide this educational need for members. Often, traffickers lure in vulnerable youth with promises of protection, adventure, love, safety or other very real needs, basic needs. While the most basic needs include food, clothing and shelter, for students, supplies are essential to successfully thrive with the proper materials academically. By providing supplies, we are removing a financial barrier for students and helping equip them with confidence in their academic year. According to the National Education Association, “The study’s researchers concluded that graduation from high school was one of the potential protective factors that can lead to a decreased risk of trafficking for homeless students.”

As students return to school, it’s important to understand that recruitment can occur through social networks and among peers. Educators and administrators play a vital role and are trained to recognize risk factors, identify potential victims and report, engage in local prevention efforts and educate community members through the TEA’s RISE program. According to NEA Today, “To remain vigilant against trafficking, educators must understand some of the risk factors of trafficking to better identify and support students in need. While children and young adults are all susceptible to trafficking, certain vulnerable groups face an increased risk.” In addition to non-profit agencies working to combat human trafficking, educators play a vital role as they can serve as the eyes and ears in recognizing and reporting potential trafficking. Teachers can also help combat trafficking by inspiring and taking the time to pour into students who are high risk among their communities. Teachers truly wear many hats and are some of the most versatile professionals with each responsibility they take on. Thank you educators for the many hats you wear!